Advice for dating a commitment phobe
) “I have grown as a human with you, and had thoughts and hopes of us building a dynasty together and being each other’s champion …” (Right about now I was feeling pretty awesome for changing him so much.
Man, he needed my excellent love.) “I don’t understand how a person’s feelings can change 180 degrees after feeling what I thought we were feeling.” (My feelings changed because he wouldn’t answer my phone calls and disappeared for days at a time when I asked for a monogamous relationship.) “I must let you know that I have never felt what I feel for you with anyone.” (Ego so, so happy.
Commitment phobia is a very painful experience both for the one who engages in the pattern and for those who are involved with that person.
Usually the art of pushing and pulling and seduction are the domain of the commitment “phobe.” The answer dwells deeply in the family of origin survival patterns. People who are commitment phobic feel they need to cut off their feelings after a certain point of knowing someone as a means of feeling in control and feeling emotionally protected.
Thus, the feelings he has for you are free to surface in this non-threatening environment. The only difference, this time it’s faster.” You can’t believe the intensity of the love letters I received from my two commitment-phobes when I finally got strong enough to walk away.
The relationship is over, so he is no longer frightened. When that happens, usually the scenario is played out all over again.
Show #44: My guest on the show is Jonathon Aslay, Dating & Relationship Coach for Women, at Understand Men
Jonathon works with women to help them understand what men think and want from women, from a ‘guy’s guy’ point of view.
Because I have been slow to discover how I work and why I do the things I do is no reason why we should allow this special thing between us to disappear.” (Okay, this one really hooked me. Hadn’t my time in therapy taught me that we don’t always know why we do the things we do? When your guy comes crawling back, tears in his eyes, broken hearted he’s liable to say ANYTHING to get you back.
Commitment phobia is something I see in my office often and happens to both women and men. This is often not conscious and going on at the deepest level of the sub consciousness.
You can spot a commitment-phobe a mile away only if you know what you are looking for.
Rinse and repeat If you’re anything like I was, you may’ve had the confounding experience of finally getting the strength to stay away from your commitment-phobic guy for good … only to have him come back on hands and knees, swearing that he really really loves you and he’s really really changed this time!
I’m thankful for knowing such a dynamically talented, spiritual, intelligent and beautiful woman.” (My ego ate that up like a delicious Chow Mein!